so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
