I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
