Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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