I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
