We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
