My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
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