just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
