Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
