the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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