tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Its about making memories worth repressing
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
