i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
