I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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