He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
