I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
one might say we're banned from that church
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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