My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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