Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
MIDGETS
????
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
