I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
