He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
