i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
