OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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