i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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