i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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