Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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