just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
