what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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