It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
