Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
