Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
