if you like me you must not know who I am
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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