I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm sobbing to NWA
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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