No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
