i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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