I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
