My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
