bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
