One blow job doesn not make me gay.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
