can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
