would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just blew my weed a kiss
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
