all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
