How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
