Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
