Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
