Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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