I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
