I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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