Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my phone needs a breathalizer
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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