Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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