no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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