Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
