I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
