this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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